in the midst of my solitude

日曜日, 7月 30, 2006

well!
these past days havent been that interesting, really... except that i go to sleep pretty early here in LA, for some reason. i'm usually asleep by nine pm and wake up at around 6-7am the next day (usually by the YM alerts).
we haven't been doing that much here, really.
i scared a few people over at the Simi Town Center because of the looks i gave them; hey, they ticked me off. i can't help it. same goes with the kids; they kinda went out of their way to not be near me. how kind, kids. thanks.
there was a really annoying waiter over at Red Robin's a while ago. i guess he was new since he looked a bit overwhelmed by us. he was annoying; he forgot to write down my order. how kind. there was a fat lady who hit me too and i looked at her a bit evilly (think Suigin Tou), and it seemed she got my message since immediately started saying "oh sorry! im so, so sorry! are you okay?" my cousins started laughing when she left.
my katarayan is coming back.
i am soo thankful we speak tagalog. we can talk without them understanding us. haha! thank God.
we went shopping too, today and yesterday. bought some blouses and jeans, as well as a skirt. most of them were black and white, except for this camouflauge pants i got. nice fits.
i spent almost $200. T_T
i have an excuse, though. i don't shop often (once every few months... say, i dunno? 3?), and besides, almost all my clothes are from here.
all the clothes i wear anyway.
except loli stuff... i get that at home.
oh well... he'll just be relieved he wasnt shopping with me XD
wahahaaa...
i noticed that Micky looks like Stephen. that's just scary. i used to hit Stephen all the time when he was here. now he's in some god-forsaken place. poor kuya XD
well. im happy!
i found out some stuff about my past life from ate Inezia and learned Yoru-kun was allowed to go to NCC. nice! ^_^
ill update later...
when stuff happens. ^_^
ja~

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 日曜日, 7月 30, 2006

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土曜日, 7月 29, 2006

hindi pala sa takot yun.
alam lang pala ni milkato na may mangyayari sa akin na di ko inaasahan.
salamat, angel.

~~~

Kanae wrote alone 土曜日, 7月 29, 2006

* * *

bakit ganun?
bakit ang sama ng kutob ko?
parang... feeling ko may masamang mangyayari... nagaalala tuloy ako...
ano na ang mangyayari??
kailangan ko malaman...
sana... sana hindi tunkol samin... kundi... mamamatay ako...

Kanae wrote alone 土曜日, 7月 29, 2006

* * *

listening to Lu:na by Gackt.

reminds me of mommy Lu:na. it's a really good song, by the way. try downloading it.

[Sunabi]
oh shut up Kanae.
ha, i find you strange, la.
you wake up when he calls. his and only his call.
so strange.
go to sleep.
[/Sunabi]

im finally adjusted to the LA time... and my sleep has been okay. i just miss the Philippines really bad. i'm already homesick. America is just real different, i guess...
i miss everyone. >.< Chris!! UNGGKEY!! where the hell are you dammit!!? we've been worried kanina pa!! you better message or im going to kill you.
so currently i am... i dunno. borderline unto depression. kanina... well... i had a minor shift. Sunabi pulled me in and switched places with me for a while. i remember her saying, "stop it Kanae. this is ENOUGH." then everything blacked out. she was talking to Kinshin, apparently. wonder how that went. she said that... after all this time, i have learned to look away. finally. i don't know what is wrong with me. well, actually... a lot. but oh well. that's life. okay this is one of those days that i wish i were her instead of me. at least then i could say what i want without worrying about the consequences...without being bothered by my conscience. >.<
i hate myself.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 土曜日, 7月 29, 2006

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金曜日, 7月 28, 2006

hm...
nothing interesting as of late here in LA... we just came from Chinatown, and hopefully I've gotten over my jetlag here. Im not sleepy yet; i guess i just have to keep myself active so i don't feel the urge to sleep.
i wonder how Chris can stay up for days at a time. sometimes i so envy him for that. >.<
looks like there's trouble for Kuya Sanji and Miss Robin... T_T
and it doesnt help that a girl is trying to get into the picture.
err... scratch that.
forcing herself into the picture.
maybe what she feels is real, or she thinks it is, but she may not be helping him... she may be hurting him instead. now i dont want to judge, but i don't like her. she's probably going to kill me when she reads my reply but hey, i don't care. i already said i'm not picking any fights, so it's up to her. if she wants to pick a fight with me... haha. bring it on! you dont want to mess with me.
i know its not my battle, but i dont want Kuya Sanji getting hurt. he shared with me his problems before, and i want to help him like a younger sister would to her brother. besides, its about time that girl shut up.
oh well.
basta... if Kuya Sanji needs backup, im right here. He loves Ms. Robin very much, and i support them. i hope that they can patch things up.
hm... i have to do some laundry. darn.
i already sent mail to dad telling him i need some clothes brought over. Eula's going to borrow my costume too. hope it fits.
basically, that's about it.
oh and UNA is still pretty much firmly implanted in my head.
see ya.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 金曜日, 7月 28, 2006

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木曜日, 7月 27, 2006

I answered this test put by qtanjelle in WTF...:
check it out; it's pretty interesting.

Have you ever...
1) smoked weed or cigs: no
2) consumed alcohol: sake, wine, champagne XD
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex: yeah
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex: yeah
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex: no
6) made out with someone of the same sex: no
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex: yeah
8) watched porn: no-- my cousins did and i just closed my eyes and went to sleep with the iPod on XD (idiots >.<)
9) bought porn: no
10) done drugs: no

TOTAL: 5

11) taken pain killers: yes
12) taken someone elses prescription medicine: no
13) lied to your parents: oh yeah
14) lied to a friend: hm... no, never. ^_^ (that guy i lied to... he was never a friend anyway.)
15) snuck out of the house: no
16) done something illegal: no
17) cut yourself: no... im too lazy.
18) hurt someone: physically, mentally and emotionally YES
19) wished someone to die: YES
20) seen someone die: yes-- PERO di ako ang pumatay ha?! namatay lang siya... di ko siya natulungan, batang bata pa ako nun

TOTAL: 6

21) missed curfew: hehe... yeah
22) stayed out all night:
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself: no
24) been to a therapist: yeah... 3 of them
25) been to rehab: no
26) dyed your hair: no *cries*
27) recieved a ticket: no
28) been in a wreck: no
29) been to a club: yeah

TOTAL: 4

31) been to a wild party: no
32) seen the Mardi Gras: nah
34) had a summer break in Florida: no
35) sniffed anything: no
36) wore black nail polish: yes, regularly
37) wore arm bands: no
38) wore t-shirts with band names: no
39) listened to rap: once... a long, long time ago *shudders*
40) own a 50 cent cd: no

TOTAL: 2

41) dressed gothic: yes
42) dressed prep: no
43) dressed punk: yes
44) dressed grunge:
) stole something: yes (hot sauce from the restaurant XD)
46) been too drunk to remember anything: no
47) blacked out: no
48) fainted: no
49) had a crush on your neighbor: yeah, kabarkada ko
50) had someone sneak into your room: no

TOTAL: 4

51) snuck into someone else's room: no
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex: no
53) been to a concert: yes
54) dry humped someone: NO
55) been called a very *friendly* person: yes
56) called someone a very *friendly* person: yes
57) installed speakers in your car: no
58) broke a mirror: yah..
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house: yeah--stepdad
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush: yeah... accident!

TOTAL: 6

61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper: no way in hell
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters: no
63) cruised the mall: no...?
64) skipped school: no
65) had an eating disorder: nah, pero malapit...
66) had an injury: lots
67) gone to court: no
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying: no
69) caught something on fire: no
70) lied about your age: no... but if they think im 18 i just dont correct them XD

TOTAL: 0

71) owned an apartment: no
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend: no, never had a bf
73) been cheated on: no, never had a bf XD
74) got in trouble with the police: no
75) talked to a stranger: yes
76) hugged a stranger: no
77) kissed a stranger: no
78) rode in the car with a stranger: no
79) been sexually harrassed: no--almost but no
80) been verbally harrassed: yes

TOTAL: 1

81) met face to face with someone you met online: yes... WTFers,PCers, FCers, GCers
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight: yup..XD
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight: no
84) watched tv for 12 hours straight: yes
85) been to a fair: in school, yeah
86) been called a bad influence: no
87) cursed: Voodoo?Witchcraft? Used to. Mga mura? yah
88) prank called someone: no
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex: yes
90) cheated on a test: Yes

TOTAL: 7

91) cheated on homework: oh yeah...
92) recieved/given a handjob: NO
93) been pushed into a pool: yeah (lamig pa naman ng tubig nun! T_T)
94) played pool: yes, often
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight: no
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you: Yes... does Johnny Depp count? and Mana? and Kami? XD
97) had a crush on someone younger: sobrang lapit XD but NO
98) wear eyeliner: YES... cant live w/o it.
99) skinny dipped: no
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt: yes

TOTAL: 6

TOTAL: 41? Rebel daw?

10-20= goodie good
21-30= a little rebelious
31-40= GETTING HOT BABY
41-50= rebel
51-60= total bad girl/boy
61-70= pregnant dog
71-80= cant believe you made it this far
81-90= bad ass
91-100= see you in hell

how interesting, ne?

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 7月 27, 2006

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here is the English Translation of Kinjirareta Asobi, the opening theme of Rozen Maiden, sung by ALI PROJECT.

Put on the collar of roses, and bite upon the silver chain
Another one will die tonight--you are despicable
Kneel down and lick the bitter drops of love
A blue dressage performed for the Angels

Within the casket called Myself, my soul yet moves
Torn wings revive in the moonlight and grow wet
More than darkness solitude is to be feared
Under the Cross, let us indulge in the proof of our union

Taking off the rose handcuffs, and holding each others' white wrists
It is the miracle of our embrace--you are beloved
Kneel down and offer the painful words of love
A red arabesque soaking the bandages

Even if it's a sin, say that you love me with your forbidden lips

The World is a looming castle, its gates opened by God
In that way I will lead you, and if you fill up my eyes
More gently than anyone call out my name
When that happens you will know the meaning of eternity

Cross the rose rings and tie the leather ribbon
It's a ball held in the Room of Mirrors--everything is maddening
Go astray and be enlightened in the history of turning love
A black marriage decorated with tears

I hate lies--tell me you love me with chaste lips

Put on the collar of roses, and bite upon the silver chain
Another one will die tonight--you are despicable
Kneel down and lick the bitter drops of love
A blue dressage performed for the Angels

Taking off the rose handcuffs, and holding each others' white wrists
It is the miracle of our embrace--you are beloved
Kneel down and offer the painful words of love
A red arabesque soaking the bandages

Say that you truly love me with a pure kiss!

For some reason, i love this song.

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 7月 27, 2006

* * *

here is the English translation of Seishoujou Ryuiouiki, the opening theme of Rozen Maiden Traumend, sung by ALI PROJECT

The Domain of Holy Girls
Vocals: ALI PROJECT

Please don't say those cursed words yet
Love is light like feathers
Whisper with a tenor that is kinder than papa
If you're ready to rob

More fragrantly than the dream that I have and is buried in millions of beds of roses
I am alive
What to do? In this world that ugly things overran
Can I go and fly unblemished?
Alone in the cocoon, even if I continued to learn
The crystal starry sky is too far away

Please don't let your trembling fingertips touch me yet
A flower stealer's sweet hesitation
You may touch me, if you're confident
That you will reach to the depths of my profound chest

Isn't there a reason to believe in my prince on a white horse?

The purity decorated by the cracked glass case
Is the heart of the fallen angels
Every time when I awake again on tomorrows, I know the time of centuries
A briar princess with a sleepless soul
A crown that eats into me; in one droplet of blood
Ah, now I know the truth

Please don't go yet; with figure of the moonlight
You seem to have noticed your mistake
I want to embraced by you and destroy the tranquil warmth
Am I a sinful girl?

I don't even understand the meaning behind my tears spilling softly

Please don't say those cursed words yet
Love is heavy like chains
Whisper with a tenor that is kinder than papa
If you can be ready for anything

Come now, vow! With your trembling lips
The nectar picker's palpitations
You may steal me away, if you have the courage
To shoot through to the bottom of my deep chest

When I catch you, please make it so that I won't ever let you escape

I like this

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 7月 27, 2006

* * *

i've been downloading stuff lately... mostly songs, though.
i finally found all the songs i needed at gendou.com, now i just have to find a few more and i'm set. i downloaded the Rozen Maiden and Rozen Maiden: Traumend Opening and Ending themes, and i'm currently listening to them. i love ALI PROJECT.
they're singing style in the Rozen Maiden soundtrack was similar to Malice Mizer's, only it was a girl singing, and it's JPop. Malice Mizer was JRock, and i can think that ALI PROJECT can come close to being a Malice Mizer counterpart, in terms of the Rozen Maiden songs.
Kinjirareta Asobi reminds me so much of Suigin Tou's character: somewhat evil and beautiful, with a trace of sadness and deviousness. i love it.
the lyrics... i dont know how to describe my feelings toward them. i am very... amused(?) by the words and their meanings. forbidden words. i was very much struck by it, and i smile whenever i remember them. i really don't know why. haha.
listening to the song gets me into Suigin Tou mode. hmhmhm... *evil smirk* this is fun.
i will post the lyrics later after i write my thoughts.
it's very interesting, really. i also like the opening song for Rozen Maiden: Traumend, Seishoujou Ryouiki. it's like Kinjirareta Asobi. i wonder what's with them and tricky words and dark music. but hey, i like it a lot.
their music for the Rozen Maiden Soundtracks incorporate a not-so-obvious dark, gothic feel, a dark bounciness and synchronized violins that float through the song and dances with the words. it gives off a very Gothic Victorian, doll-like, mysterious feel to it. it's very beautiful, at least to me.
i have a feeling i will be listening to them for a long time...

even if it's a sin, say that you love me with your forbidden lips...
-Kinjirareta Asobi

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 7月 27, 2006

* * *

水曜日, 7月 26, 2006

Una by Spongecola

muli namang umihip sa akin
ang hangin ng pagiisa
liwanag kang dagling sumilaw
sa aking mga matalinilingon, sinusun
dandumadalas ang minsan
ika'y naryan, abot tanaw
kahit walang dahilan

maiiwasan ba
ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko
(maiiwasan bang)
ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan
(magkamali sa'yo)
nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na
(maiiwasan bang)
lalong mahulog sa iyo

walang maitutulad sa sumpang iyong linikha
putulin man ang tali ay sadyang walang kawala
sa pagkaakit, at di paglapit
nananalangin, at umaasang

maiiwasan ba
ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko
(maiiwasan bang)
ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan
(magkamali sa'yo)
nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na
(maiiwasan bang)
lalong mahulog sa iyo

hindi padadala
hinding hindi padadala
hindi padadala

this song has been in my head for a while... since yesterday or Monday (Philippine time). i think it's because i remember him thanks to this.
[loneliness spasm]
ouch. sakit talaga...

Kanae wrote alone 水曜日, 7月 26, 2006

* * *

waaah
i am bored.
chris has just gone OFL and there's noone else to talk to. how boring. -_-*
hay naku.
ja~

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 水曜日, 7月 26, 2006

* * *

火曜日, 7月 25, 2006

i have just arrived in Los ANgeles...
actually,
Simi Valley near Los ANgeles, but does that really matter? not in my book.
i'm on jet lag (sort of) right now...
i slept on the plane, so im not feeling sleepy yet. plus it's 3:34pm Philippine time and it's around 1am here. my usual bedtime is 3am anyway, but it looks like i'll be staying up pretty late. ehe :p
i miss all of them already. i was getting pretty homesick on the plane...
and i kept listening to songs that made me remember everyone back home.
Balisong- Rivermaya
Una- Spongecola
Jeepney- Spongecola
KLSP- Spongecola
Gemini- Spongecola
A Promise- Chicosci
Tentaikansoku- Bump of Chicken
Harujion- Bump of Chicken
Vanilla- Gackt
U+K- Gackt

*sighs*
i got pretty homesick... good thing im chatting with them right now, so it makes me feel like i'm there... just in a different town.
i fell asleep listening to Asian Kung-Fu Generation. they're a pretty good band ^_^
i like them.
the plane trip was painfully boring. so many people, so cramped... and twelve and a half hours of it is just way too much.
i was so tense before i went to the airport! but i was able to relax when i got past all of them. the american immigrations officer was surprisingly nice. didnt bother me or anything.
LA looks a bit different from what i remember it to be. well, its to be expected, since i havent been here in at least 4 or 5 years.
we went to in-n-out for "dinner" and it was good. tomorrow--later, rather-- i have no idea what we'll be doing. in all honesty, i don't want to do anything. i just want to stay here.
im sleeping in mickey's room. he's off in college anyway. haha. gerald and michael are coming here sometime this week with my niece who i have never met...
might go shopping tomorrow. things are expensive here so i doubt i'll be buying much stuff.
oh well...
i miss everyone. darn. ._.
oh well. i'll just listen to my music and remember.
*hugs shiroi* yes he's here too. ^_^
hopefully ill be with them again soon.
ja

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 火曜日, 7月 25, 2006

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月曜日, 7月 24, 2006

SEE YA!
IM OFF TO THE STATES!!
INGATZ LAGI!!

Kanae wrote alone 月曜日, 7月 24, 2006

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日曜日, 7月 23, 2006

i had a good Friday-Saturday...
Friday, Pat and Chris slept here at the house. we went to Greenhills and ate in McDonalds and then went to sing karaoke. when we got home we just ended up chatting until 2am on the rooftop. i really enjoyed it.
Yesterday, we went to the batangas. pat, chris, me, ding, k, anton, dad. we stayed there for the day, at evercrest. the waves were unforgiving so we couldn't land in Cool Wave. i got stabbed in the foot thanks to those anchors at evercrest (die, anchors).
i had a really good time with everyone... and it was a very interesting day for all of us.
i hope to see them again soon...
i miss all of them.
im chatting with CBau now, and telling her the events.
they will forever be laced into my memory.
Thanks guys.
i'll miss you.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 日曜日, 7月 23, 2006

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木曜日, 7月 20, 2006

i never knew managing a group could be this difficult.
i mean, it isn't that difficult, but it's a bit... troublesome.
so many names...
so many words... @_@
but it's fun. ^_^
im co-managing the Rozen Maiden group for Yoru-kun. @_@ wah!
made my longest post on WTF today too. haha...
im going to change my avvys and sig now. suigin tou ko na...
aheh, careerin ko na nga rin si suigin tou. ^_^
ja mata,

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 7月 20, 2006

* * *

okay!
i went shopping with andrea yesterday! ^_^
we went to greenhills and spent the WHOLE day there... ahahaha.
my ban from anime has now been lifted!! yey!!
that's a good thing, coz i bought a couple of dvds from 2Rats in greenhills yesterday... haha. i was planning to watch themon my computer at 12-3 am while they're asleep, but it looks like i don't have to. ^_^
i bought the whole Samurai7 series, FLCL movie, HunterXHunter Greed Island OVA, and Rozen Maiden Traumend!! wheee~~
i was also very tempted to buy the whole Full Metal Alchemist series and movie, as well as Princess Mononoke, but i had no time. aww...
ill sneak some on friday again bwahahahaha~
saturday's the planned beach trip. pat's coming, chris is coming, hugz is coming. JC had better come; he lives in Lipa, for heaven's sake!
Myk and K aren't sure yet, though. Myk has to ask his mom, and I have to ask K's dad. ._.
i really do hope they can come...
i just want to spend some time with them before i go off to the states for a month. im scared things might change...
there are problems arising between myk and pat, and im scared they all might change when i come back. i just want to remember them the way they are now.
oh well...
i might go shopping for clothes later, then we're off to celebrate dad's 50th birthday.
HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY, DAD!!
whee~
then we're going karaoke at Red Box!! YEY~!!!
karaoke!! there are japanese songs there so i can sing~!!
hayy naku...
ill keep praying tonight...
so things will go alright...
please pray with me.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 7月 20, 2006

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火曜日, 7月 18, 2006

"who do you turn to when the only person in the world that can stop you from crying is the one tht made you cry?"

think about it.

i sure don't know.

don't worry about me, by the way. i'm fine.

i'm home.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 火曜日, 7月 18, 2006

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日曜日, 7月 16, 2006

i'm currently in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia. I've been here for three days now, and so far, it's been pretty interesting.
I find KK to be somewhat like the Philippines... like Batangas or something. it's modernized here but i can't understand what they're saying... the people here look almost exactly like Filipinos, but when they open their mouths, it's a totally different language. i thought that Malay would have at least some similarities with the Filipino language because of our roots, but i guess i was wrong.
except "selamat." that's like "thank you" or something in both Filipino and Malay.
some malaysians think i'm malay too. it's kinda weird...
we didn't do much here, actually. we went white water rafting today, and that was kinda interesting.
we left the hotel at around 7:45 and took a bus to the train station somewhere in the middle of nowhere and got there around 9:50. train was supposed to come at 10, but got there at 10:30 instead. we could't get out of the train station till around 10:45. and then we got to the first stop around 11: 30 and took a ten minute change. after we went to the next stop using the same train.
i met a Korean couple during the train ride: Ryan and Yu Jin. they were really nice! Ryan has a brother studying in Manila and he's going there next month. ^_^
the raft trip was fun; i didn't fall off at any time but i did lose my paddle once. hey, i had to let go of it or i would have fallen overboard! hey, for me, it's life before paddle. -_-*
miki, tito joey and angelo all fell. that was funny! all three heavyweights or semi-heavyweights fell off at the same time. LOL
we got back to the train stop where we changed at around 2. we had lunch then went to the train yet again. however, andrea, dad, anton, joey r, angelo and i ended up staying on the flat bed. NO SHADE. dammit im gonna have a heat stroke pretty soon... i got tan from there. -_-* oh well.
so yeah, that's pretty much it.
we're off home tomorrow, and i can't wait...
i miss my friends alot... i miss all of them.
i got into a fight with Sunabi last night... and it hurts. hay naku. oh well...
see ya guys...^_^

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 日曜日, 7月 16, 2006

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水曜日, 7月 12, 2006

i have been so lazy lately... and i like it lol
ive been spending the past few days just watching TV, writing, drawing and surfing the net.
however, i have also been preparing for the GYLC.
im getting pretty nervous.
chris spent last night helping me, and i'm really thankful for his help. haha.
simon contacted me again. i'm going to try and be nice. he's lucky it's Kanae he's talking to and not Sunabi, like the last time. haha.
anyway, yeah.
that's really all that's been happening. lol.
i have a number of Rozen Maiden fanarts and ill upload them one time.
i finished Rozen Maiden already!! i'm now itching to watch Rozen Maiden: Traumend. I can't wait!! haha...
i'm going to sleep over at Pat's next friday...
wheee!!
see ya guys

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 水曜日, 7月 12, 2006

* * *

日曜日, 7月 09, 2006

A PROMISE
By Chicosci

Now you are my beloved ghost
And here I’ll wait for you to sing
Then we will have eternity
A promise to keep haunting me
This wine
From my veins
These gifts
We’ll take
The sky is ours to keep tonight
Together in this silent sleep
We are the mist that fills the air
Lie still, just be with me
This wine
From my veins
These gifts
We’ll take
And I’ll be
The kiss,
The gun
We’ll be draining their blood again
Embrace the rest of me
We’ll be racing through the night
Again, embrace the rest of me
And then we’ll feast on them, celebrating
I’m not alone
I can feel your eyes on me
I’m not alone
Your soul for all the world to see
Denied another day
Life took you away
I’ll love you just the same
‘Coz you are my beloved ghost
And here I’ll wait for you to sing
Then we will have eternity
A promise to keep haunting me
The sky is ours to keep tonight
Together in this silent sleep
We are the mist that fills the air
Lie still, just be with me
I’m not alone
I can feel your eyes on me
I’m not alone
Your soul for all the world to see
To see...

a promise is currently my favorite song, and i feel like i can relate to it a lot XD kanta ko toh dudes... haha

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 日曜日, 7月 09, 2006

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My post for yesterday:
i got home at around 11 so i wasnt able to post

2006-07-08

Today was a lot of fun.
I just came from the JMuzic Fuzion and it was a lot of fun!! I swear… it was so much fun. The bands were okay, and it turned out the place wasn’t some bar; it was actually just a grill and restaurant. Mom and Anton went, and they had a good time.
There was a girl bassist who did the bass solo of Cage!! Astig, sobra… @_@ waah!! Idol ko siya!! Lol. Too bad Myk wasn’t there; I think he would have enjoyed himself.
I actually went mainly to watch Pat cosplay, and I’m glad I did.
We all met up in Mega; I met some PCers and GCers while I was there too. We met up with Kuya Jojo, Kuya Arjay, Kuya Lyron and the rest in the food court, and we ended up staying there for four hours! Just kept chatting, I guess.
I saw Ate Noey, Yojimbo, Kuya Lyron, Kuya Ryan, Aminel, Missy, Ate Dekinut, Ate Carlae, Zengar_Zombolt, Lui-Cypher, Chinnie, Christian, FART!, Kuya Jojo, Kuya Arjay, Kuya Crosse, Ate Inezia, Kuya Sylph, Lu:na and of course, Pat, Wolbo and Unggkey. Yoru arrived right before we were about to leave. I was getting pretty worried that they would leave him, but he arrived right as Kuya Jojo was about to call him. ^_^
I got my Rozen Maiden CDs!! Well, they’re Crosse’s CDs, but I’m borrowing them for now. ^_^ I just have to get the correct DVEX for it. >.<>.<
Ang cute mga Rozen MaidenXRozen Lord fan arts!! Ang sweet ng iba… sobra. ^_^ kiligness pag nakita:
Reinier X Shinku
Cedric X Hina Ichigo
Suiseki X Suiseiseki
Souseki X Souseiseki
Ludwig X Canaria
Senryu X Suigin Tou
Tetsubara X Barashuisou
Kirakisho RL X Kirakisho
We have Reinier (Rocky of GC, of course), Senryu (Yoru), Tetsubara (Mykhos) and the Kiraksiho RL (Chris) Rozen Lords already. Whee!!
I might ask Chynna to cosplay Hina Ichigo because our Hina already left for the States. Let’s see how that goes on.
Anyway, we were there in Mega hanging around and chatting with some PCers and GCers. I got to talk to Lui-Cypher (he actually knew who I was o.O) and some others. That was fun…
Only bad thing was my shoe broke. I had to go to get it repaired, which took about thirty minutes or so. But it was alright; nothing major anyway.
Guess who I saw in SM?! Aaron Sison! That was a big surprise… I haven’t seen that guy in a while. Haha… he was a bit surprised to see me as well I guess; it didn’t help that I was wearing my usual gothloli outfit. It was nice to get to chat with him again. ^_^
The people in Watson’s thought that Pat and I were foreign. o.O weirdness… o.O
Some kids were making calls at Pat, Aminel and I as we passed. How very annoying… I guess it can’t be helped though. Oh well.
Pat gave Aminel a make-up session, and Aminel looked so creepily cute!!! Sobra!! Sarap i-picture… XD
At around 5:30, we all decided to leave for Timog. That was when Yoru arrived, and we all left. Pat, Wolbo, Unggkey, Yoru, Kuya Jojo and I commuted to Kamuning. It was funny since we got separated on the train: girls together and boys together. Pat and I ended up arguing on the train about where to get down. I was right! ^_^ We got off at GMA-Kamuning station, then walked to Kolumn Bar, where the event was to take place. I got a bit tired walking, but oh well. It was nice to be walking with all of them.
Yoru and I had a nice talk while we were walking, and it brought a lot of comfort to me. I’m glad we were able to speak openly like that… a lot of my troubles were lessened. ^_^
Thanks, Yoru.
Even if I’m not smiling, I really am very happy.
I can’t bring myself to smile for a long time for some reason. Maybe it’s because I don’t smile as often as I should or would like to. That’s why some people think I’m very unhappy, I guess. But just because I’m not smiling doesn’t mean that I’m not happy. ^_^
And today… I was really happy. *thoughtful smile*
Yeah… happier than I’ve been in a long while. Thanks a lot, guys. ^_^
I met a bunch of people tonight… I saw Kuya Neil_Yamato, Ate Catherine, KUYA Yui, and met NarenNeran! Whee! Sa wakas, nagkakilala na yung 2 JRock at Chicosci addict ng GC~!! XD LOL. Wala akong crush kay NarenNeran, pero astig siya. 2 kaming addict sa JRock at Chicosci!! Lol!
I also met Tessa! ^__^ bait niya!! Cute rin… I also met deranged_doll, altaizen and a bunch of others whose names escape me. (Hontou ni gomen nasai!!) ^_^;;
I also got to chat with Ate Ceravi_Ceres. That was nice. ^_^
It was funny; NarenNeran and Zengar and some others thought I was cosplaying. Naah, even though it was very tempting to do so. ^_^ gothloli cosplay? Maybe some other time. ^_^
Kuya Lyron introduced himself to Mom. O.O waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~!!! LOL!
Sobrang napa-O.O ako dun!
“You can just call me Ly or Lyron, Ma’am.”
Ang cute!! Si kuya talaga… hehe.
I also introduced KUYA Yui and Yoru to mom. ^_^
Yeah, tonight was good. We left at around 10:00 though. But it was good. ^_^Mom enjoyed tonight, and she says the cosplayers look like a pretty good crowd. Because of such, she has agreed to give me a curfew extension!!! 10pm, hopefully!! YES!! Thank you Lord!!
I had a really good day today. I can sleep well now… ^_^
Hehe, I’m getting sleepy…
See ya guys.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 日曜日, 7月 09, 2006

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水曜日, 7月 05, 2006

Okay im currently in Subic.
Ive written my entries on pad paper and now i'll transfer them here. ^_^

July 3, 2006
10:40-ish (pm)
Current Mood: Thoughtful, normal
Currently Listening to: Dani California (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Hard to Concentrate (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Lights and Sounds (Yellowcard), Rewrite (Asian Kung-Fu Generation), Sailing Day (Bump of Chicken), Ain't Afraid to Die (Dir en grey) and Cage (Dir en grey)

Today was pretty interesting. Andrea arrived on teh 6:15am plane from LAX. it was supposed to be 5:30am, but since it was PAL, it was yet again delayed. oh well.
We spent the day getting to know each other again. it has been at least 4 years since we last saw each other, so we spent our time walking and talking. we went to ATC and spent at least an hour in Starbucks Coffee. I ate Oreo Cheescake wiht my Chocolate Frappuccino, and it was goooood!!! couldn't help but think of Oreo (Miguel Mercado, a cosplayer acquaintance of mine... nice guy ^_^) as i ate though. hey, it was the same name! so sue me.
We spent our time just talking, really. it was fun in a way. we were basically comparing now and then, here and there. i think today was really a connecting day, because Andrea and I never really spent much time together before this. We were never on the same brainwave and we never really had the same interests. we still don't but i don't know... it's different. and im glad for it. i wonder how the rest of the days will go....
Pat's inviting me out on Saturday. Let's see how that goes.
We're off to Subic tomorrow, so that's another day with no contact with them. WAAH! i miss them so much.. my friends... they're the type that you'll really miss talking to after a day of no contact. Really. It's so strange, but that's the way it is. i miss them a lot. WAAH!! i miss hugz!! i haven't talked to her in a while... @_@ i miss all of them...
especially him.
He was in my thoughts again as i was on my way home from dinner with my dad, anton and andrea. -SAKE IS THE BEST- I'm so sorry i made him worry. ive really fallen for him, and i admit it now. no sense in getting constant heartburns fromt he emotional stres i receive from keeping it from myself. Haha... so i have. i want to see him again. i know i saw him last saturday but... ewan. i just want to see him again.
I feel better when i'm with, for some reason. he just comforts me. but what i really hope is that he isn't playing with me.... because that will kill me. he means that much to me, really.
I don't know... i smile when i remember these times... times that are engraved in my memory. they always make me feel better. but still.. i cant help but wish we could be something more than this.
"Nothing tastes so sweet as something you can't have."
So true.
I wish and wish but...
Never mind [goth mode]
If he's happy, then i'm happy too. Ne, geLo-san? Basta... for as long as he's happy, then i'll smile for him. Just hide whatever pain i feel anwyay. ^_^ That way he doesn't worry... and so he doesn't lose his smile.
That's how i coped when Fumi left... kung saan siya masaya. I guess I'll use it again... *sad smile*
I knew that allowing myself to fall for him would hurt me too, because though i hoped something could happen, i know somehow that it, this, would always be just a one-sided thing, like all the rest. but it's alright... even though it hurts, i'm happy just being this way. at least then i can still be there for him.
I am nut. Really. =_=
We're off to Subic tomorrow, and i doubt ill be bringing my computer. ill just document things here then. See ya.

Kanae

July 4, 2006
8:40pm
Current Mood: neutral
Currently Listening to: Le Ciel Single (MALICE MIZER), Empty Tears (TETSU69), Alone (Shimukawa Mikuni)

We're in Subic right now... we're going to be here until Thursday. Nothing really interesting happened here, just me, lola, andrea and dad here. We went around here a bit and then back to the suites. it's pretty weird; we have 7 beds. o.O
Jel keeps texting.
Sorry but... i like someone else, and he's important to me.
Kid asked if he (Jel) had a chance with me. Well, i've never even met the guys, so, no, not really. it doesn't help that i'm currently in love with someone else.
Haha. My 2 other "crushes" have bigger chance: *C* and *N.* *C* knows who he is, *N* doesnt. Well, he's not really a crush, but just someone i want to meet. haha.
I wrote 2 songs for him today. Him being *K.* Haha... i'll show hem to Pat and Myk when i talk to them again. i hope Myk gets back from malaysia soon; I miss him. Hey, he's my kuya. can't help it.
I have a bunch of Kuyas now, but Myk's really the main (?) one. there's Myk, YUI, Lyron, Ryan, Eiji, Sylph, and Arjay. all from cosplay. how nice ^_^;;... but really, those i confide in are Myk and Eiji. The others are my kakilala. i hope to see them in summer or in Mega one of these weekends.
I'm planning to bring Andrea to Mega this weekend, so she can see what the malls here are like. i wonder who we'll see then... Pat wants to watch Tokyo Drift, so we might do that. He might be coming, so that will be nice. i just regret not being able to see Pat is her Shinya T_T Crap. If i could go, i would go a an Elegant Gothic Lolita... and in full gear. Make-up, gloves and everything. Too bad i can't.T_T
See ya guys...
Damn i miss my friends... i miss them alot.

Kanae

OKAY for today's entry.
today was pretty... okay.
we went to the safari at around 2, got lost here in Subic.
had lunch at around 5 too. nice one huh? the steaks here are gooood!!
i've been chatting a bit... and pat and chris are so sweet!! they agreed to help me go on saturday!! Andrea wants to see the cosplay too... how fun! ^_^
it's in Timog. that's what i'm worried about. how the heck am i going to get there?! @_@
haha...
but i want to see them. im really looking forward to seeing them... i miss them a lot. really.
so there...
i miss them...
we're headed home tomorrow... yey!! dsl again, hopefully! decent cable tv!! whee!! hahaha
i am a nut. period. LOL
see ya guys

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 水曜日, 7月 05, 2006

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日曜日, 7月 02, 2006

today was pretty short...

i went to sleep at 4am and woke up at 1pm so that was good ^___^
hm...
went to pat's yesterday...
that was a lot of fun.
chris and k were there too ^_^
saya, sobra... we played with the wigs and talked and hung around... too bad i was there for only two hours o.O
layo naman kasi ng Sta Mesa eh! >.<
andrea's arriving tomorrow... im pretty anxious about it, actually. andrea and i havent seen each other in years and even then we were pretty... different. plus ive got a bunch of weekends booked so yeah... oh well
hehe...
well i've been happier lately... i guess its because ive been honest with myself. welll... about my emotions and feelings, anyway... i've accepted it and though it hurts, i feel a lot better.
hm... kahit na one-sided lang... hehe... okay lang.
in-accept ko na... ^_^
oh well!!
anyway... so yeah...
see yah

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 日曜日, 7月 02, 2006

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土曜日, 7月 01, 2006

today was pretty interesting.

i attended anton's PASS orientation...
checked up on my student permit requirements...
stuff like that.
had a chat with kuya Eiji too... he's a nice guy... but i know that my feelings for him can only be as a brother...

i had a heartburn a while ago.
i don't know why... or maybe it was because i read something kanina... akin na yun...
but now im feeling better. ^_^

good thing...
anyway... night guys

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 土曜日, 7月 01, 2006

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