in the midst of my solitude

木曜日, 5月 04, 2006

i am so pissed.

this morning i was mad enough to break the window of the van.
Pat is in deep depression right now, all because her mom grounded her. She can't come to the EBs on Saturday because her mom found out that she went out Tuesday and yesterday. Well, she did come home at the appropriate time, but she was grounded anyway. i am so pissed. she was at the point of suicide last night, and i am hell worried about her. Mykhos had a mid-breakdown last night, and i'm kinda worried about him too.
i am pissed mainly because now that Pat's not going to be allowed to go, i won't be allowed to either. my social life is dependent on other people's schedules, and i hate that! i want to go to Mega so badly because it's giving me a chance to meet new people... but now i might not be able to. maybe i can, since Myk will be there but i don't know.
it's frustrating because I'm 16 now and you'd think that a few more liberties would be awarded to me, like maybe a curfew extension or actually being allowed to go to the mall with other friends. my parens aren't very supportive of the fact i cosplay or that im making friends with other cosplayers. my mom wants me to stop cosplaying.
but, guess what? i can't just give it up... it's like telling me to give up soccer or going out into Iris. i mean, it's very important to me. i hope they do realize that before i started cosplaying, i almost had NO social life, apart from school and a handful of other friends: Pat, Jansen, Sims... and them. Now that i started cosplaying, i've met new friends, and i've actually found something that i love doing. i hope they understand that, and won't force me to quit. it's so weird that now i've found a social life, they want me to stop... and then they'll ask me: "why don't you have a social life?" o.O uhh... weirdness!
hay... i just want more freedom, that's all. i envy the others because all they have to do is tell their parents "Mom, i'm going to Mega with a few friends, i'll be back at 7 /8." i have to go through a whole ceremony of events...
"who are you going to go with?"
"what time are you going to be back"
"why Megamall!?"
"why can't they just come here?"
it annoys me to pieces.
i just want to have a bit more freedom. i'm feeling like i'm being strangled... like i can't get out of it... im imprisoned in a cage and i can't escape...
oh i wish...
sana i can go on Saturday, adn that Sofia will be okay... and that she can come too...
i wanna see them...
especially...
later,

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 5月 04, 2006

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