in the midst of my solitude

月曜日, 1月 29, 2007

so the weekend was good.
we had a pre-sell turned meeting about Vanitea last saturday at Megamall... i arrived two hours early o_o lol. saw kuya Fart and ate Chi and ate Shinji; they were with their group for Psicom. FF13 with a Suzumiya Haruhi twist. how interesting. XD ate shinji was dancing in the middle of the foodcourt and THAT was cute...and funny. :D peace ate shinji XD
as a result, i have a new outfit! just... what do i call it? o_O its the black counterpart of my Duchess of Hearts outfit... so is it the Duchess of Dark? o_O mm... will have to think about that one.
well, we have a presell on saturday for Vanitea, and im announcing it next Monday in the Assembly. i was supposed to do it today but apparently i have to get clearance from ms Remy first. wtf? oh well.
short day, saturday. went out with dad, anton and tita lanie.fixed stuff for PSICOM, then went to bed.
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haha Sunday was Psicom. i woke up at 8, lazed around and fangirled over Chicosci on the telly for a bit before getting up for breakfast. by the time i had finished with my morning usuals, it was 10. the con started at 10. lol. i wasn't planning on being there early anyway; i knew most of my friends would be there past 12. so i left the house quarter to 11, got there around 12:20 or so, since i had to go back for my chocolate.mmm... Cadbury Royal Dark... :D
i was cosplaying Mello of Death Note yesterday, and got glomps from those that recognized me. o_O it was awkward, in a sense. i do NOT get glomped. ever. but oh well, whatever lol.
saw kuya Fart and ate Kachan a bit after.
also ate Chi when i arrived, but she was busy with her group so i didn't disturb her. then yun, hung around with kuya Fart and ate Kachan. got some awesome photos too XD
Pat, ate Cath and ate Lu:na arrived soon after,and we hung around, doing Vanitea and observation stuffs (translation: hung around). cosplay here is improving; saw a real awesome Sandrock model... that moved. XDDD cosplayer pala! XD lol
i enjoyed being in my costume, even if it was all synthetic leather. i must be a pretty short Mello. oh that sucks. Mello's seventeen, i doubt he's 5'1" 1/2. -____- next time i'll get taller platforms. at least im taller than Near. XDD waiiiiit--- who's taller, Matt or Mello? I think (and pray) its Matt. lol
loved the outfits. seriously. met(?) Bijan. Hazel. Ligaya. steeeeg. am honored. *bows*
speaking of which, i had a dream.
a very funny dream. it was one of those 10-minute ones... but it was soo weird i woke up laughing.
i dreamt i went to Prom. IB Prom. with someone who distinctly reminded me of Bijan, Ly and Yui mixed together. and of course, all hell breaks lose.
it was sooooooooooo funny. i woke up laughing ang laughing. i dont know why. i think it was the look of horror on Victor's face in my dream that got me laughing. so yeah.anyway, Psicom was good and Dad watched wit tita Lanie and anton.
Kuya JP was good... he sang really well... @_@ i like his voice.
went home, extreeemely tired, but extreeemely satisfied.
btw, all i had that day was the bar of chocolate. well, breakfast of spam and rice then chocolate then ramen for dinner, but yeah. extremely hyper at the end of the day. XD
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so im supposed to be doing my TOK homework right now, but since im reaallly lazy, im procrastinating. again. sir John has not sent me back the TOK essay with comments or suggestions so i dont know what to do with it. ill work on it toward midnight, probably, then bring a computer tomorrow for all my chem labs and stuff. oh and i have to type up that stupid math project-thing. shit. ill do the rest this weekend. and Chemistry. fuck that! i hate chem.
oh, on a lighter note, i saw Gimmo today! met his friend too. JC, i think? reminded me of Krelian, just minus the huge eyes. XD i keep remembering Krelian's eyes! yea yea he was cute. Adrian Bruce was there too. haven't seen them in a while, so i spent some time with them.
seriously, JP, my hair was NEVER blonde. or GOLD. oh good Lord. saw Jireh too. he thought JC was my bf. which was weird. seriously. lol. but its okay. hahaha. i guess im seeing them this friday? they're attending the concert too yey!
which reminds me... must... talk to miggy!! wahahah!and Gimmo's band apparenlty is going to have a recording with Urbandub!! yey!! good luck to them!! dont forget us little people XD

see ya
Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 月曜日, 1月 29, 2007

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木曜日, 1月 25, 2007

aack!! my beautiful entry got deleted! fuck that! seriously!

ugh, so anyway.

rewrite.

well, so today started like crap. the week was crap. it's almost the end though, so it's relatively okay. tomorrow i've got two hours of class and FREEDOM!!oh gawd, SATs on Saturday. fuck. seriously! >_<

i didnt study for it, so im pretty much screwed. yey.you see, it goes like this.all the colleges i applied for didn't request for SAT scores. therefore, i decided NOT to take it. and here i am all lalalalaala no studying while my classmates are DYING of SAT reviews (and me laughing bwahahaha). and then suddenly i receive mail from the University of California saying they want my SAT scores ASAP. like, WHAAAAAAAAAT?? divine karma? yup. so yeah, im screwed. oh well.

i was gonna go... and then i realized ive studied nothing, its at 6 in the morning (my brain refuses to work before 8) and ill probably get under 1500points. so am i going to do it only to fail? uhh. no.

except application costs like... $650!? for UC?? nuuu~ *thinks*argh. i'm screwed.

but wait! i'm doing the IB! aha... :D so let's see. i'll kill myself studying, go insane, take the exams (while insane--im better that way), sober up somewhere after the exams then die out of nervousness. yup, sounds like a plan. i am so destined to fail. LOL.

i hope not. i want to get into great colleges, so yes i will screw myself over, die and come back from the dead all because of the IB. i'm 16 and im already dying. oh wow, am i pathetic or what? lol!

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so today Anton's ass was saved and mine was fried because he forgot his ID at home. and because Brent is a nice, rich, big, fancy and strict school (iow: awesome), we had to go back home to pick it up. we were already about 5 minutes down the service road when we did a U-turn... and then wham! traffic. yahoo! his bus (which is in Alabang Hills, approximately 20 minutes from my house) leaves promptly at 7:10am. his class starts at 8:10. MINE starts at 8. it was 6:20. ohh crap, right? raiit. so we do a Uturn and speed home, breaking the speed limit in Better Living but not really caring at all. so we get it, leave in about 1 second of getting it, and speed off down the Expressway. Exit Sucat! 6:45. we're on track.

Boom.

Traffic.

ohhh shit.

we exit sucat and are headed off to the Service Road when we see suuuper traffic. like, wtf. it's 6am!! and then it turns out there was a minor car crash right at the entrance of the already super-narrow service road and causes us even more trouble. not a good start. now, we'd take the Expressway all the way through but well, one has to take the service road in order to get to Hillsborough, South Bay Gardens, Intercity Homes and the Ayala-owned villages like Pacific Malaya, Alabang 400, Kalayaan, and Alabang Hills. whopee! screwed.

so yeah, we soon get passed the minor bump that caused traffic for miles and until Alabang (the next city, mind you; about 2km away) that involved an approximately nineteen-year-old boy in his boxers (LOL) and an old geexer, we discover... more traffic! as it turns out there were some idiots trying to cut their way through the traffic. omg you idiots!! there's nothing to cut into!! what are you trying to do??? ugh, three of them. and a line. yes, Philippine driving is terrible. >_> 6:50... still stuck.

then suddenly a miracle happens. it clears up. a teeny bit. so of course we grab the opportunity and race to Alabang Hills. time? 7:10!! OMG!! we break yet another speed law. 7:11... 7:12... we enter Alabang Hills to find the bus is...

GONE.

so of course, what do we do? we go to Brent Mamplasan.
im dead.

now let me explain. Brent Mamplasan is located right before the exit of Santa Rosa, and is about 1 hour away from my house on a good day. on a normal day it takes anywhere between 1-2 hours to get there one way. my house is about 30-45 minutes away from my house, depending on the stupidity of the traffic enforcers stationed in BF homes. its about the same from Brent. it's 7:15. we missed the bus my 3 minutes. ouch.and so we take the trip to Brent, saving my brother's ass and dooming mine. we were travelling right next to the Brent Fleet. lol. i call them so because they were a bunch of Maroon-colored Buses, all with Brent School painted onto the side with their own numbers. we tried (in vain) to look for my brother's bus among the nine that travelled behind us. 100, 101, 103, 104, 114, 116, 119, 108, 107... no 102. how sad. lol. wonder where they ended up o_O

thankfully though, today was a good day and it didnt take us very long. of course i was still pretty much pissed at my brother since i was late and i would tell him to shut up if he pissed me off. thank God for iPods; mine took a lot of my anger away.

it just seriously pissed me off. i mean, it's my brother's fault that he's late; why the hell do i have to pay for it?! he got to Brent at 7:50am, thank you very much. on time and happy. i get to school at 8:20, late and pissed. haha, all because of his ID. seriously, he should have paid for it. i do not see in the logic of taking the fall for my brother's mistake.so yes, piss off.

and of course, im also bitter that i do NOT study in Brent. i seriously wished i did. my school is CRAP.
thank God Mr. Yan was nice enough not to care if i walked into his class fuming and late.

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but other than that, the day went as usual. ugh, we've got some social climbers in school. eeewwww we're deteriorating even more. yuck, you think that by playing your stupid music at level 10 in the middle of the food court makes you cool? eww NO. lemme put some Ali Project or Malice Mizer or ChicoSci and lets see your reaction. yuck. posers feeling cool go to hell! hahaha im so mean.

We confess to the murders of a million souls
another dance in the dark where we are never alone
We confess to the murders of a million souls
another dance in the dark and we are home!
- Manila Teenage Death Squad, Chicosci

yeah, id like to see that. XD

i hate my school.

Hikaru is still so cute though. i love that boy; he amuses me to no end. i wonder if he's still in ILC. its been three years, hikaru; hope you get out of there soon. XD

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"its so funny how we're such a small class and everyone expects us to bond and stuff, but no one knows just how much hatred goes on among us."
-Victor Tence

so true, cousin, so true.haha! tis soooo funny!

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so i got kuya Fart to watch the Vanilla Live by Gackt. 4minutes of Yaoi fanservice: GactXMasa.
LOL, i love.

pretty much that's it.

much love,

Kanae

ラベル: ramblings.

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 1月 25, 2007

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火曜日, 1月 16, 2007

ive been checking into schools in the UK. I really wanna go there!!!!!!
im getting so freaking depressed... i really want to go to SOAS, but its painfully expensive. i really do wish to go... please pray for me.
so many plans... will they all go to waste?

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 火曜日, 1月 16, 2007

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月曜日, 1月 15, 2007

yey blogger's up now!!
i couldnt access it over the weekend, so i was so bored.
whatever.
simon tried contacting me again. i think he likes to piss me off.
well ill piss you off too bastard.
-_-.
and ive been studying. wow.
nothing much to update, i guess.
just bonding more with Victor and Hannah and Luke.
alright, see ya guys.
Ja

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 月曜日, 1月 15, 2007

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日曜日, 1月 07, 2007

we had our Alice in Wonderland photoshoot today.
it was soo much fun.
met Ates Nejin, Bianca and Shinji, had a good time with Ates Kestrel, Catherine, Kachan, Chi, Lu:na and Kuya Fart, then Myk, Pat and Marie. it was soo fun.
of course, we were stared at again, but... oh well.
it was funny since i was alone walking around Luneta with a scythe and a bonnet. ate Kes had wings. Chi looked like an executioner. Ate Shinji had bunny ears while Cath had cat ears. Pat was a mad hatter. marie was a little punk boy. Myk was a king. Lu:na had a mile-long train. XD. Kachan looked like she was pulled out of the Victorian age. Kuya Fart is huge. Ate Bianca had awesome makeup. Nejin was Alice. 'nuff said.
LOL.
stranger: "miss can we have your picture for an mtv?"
us: *points at ate kes.* "ask the one with the wings." lol.
the second phase took place at home, here in South Bay.
now that was funny.
ordered Jollibee for lunch of 12 people. the people would not believe us. LOL.
lots of shots today; ate Kes took about 300+
mom watched us for a while.
the neighbors thought we were weird. LOL
all in all, it was a very interesting experience, and one i dont mind repeating.
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also heard from Takeshi today; i miss him a lot.
good day today.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 日曜日, 1月 07, 2007

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金曜日, 1月 05, 2007

im almost done designing my prom dress. i slept at 5am because of it. and i wasnt even sleepy yet... o_O i have no idea why.
so yes, vampiric princess madame aristocrat style. wahaha! i wish i had a BJD already... id bring Kirill to the prom dressed as an Ouji-sama.
Khal agreed to be my prom date; now i have to design a suit for him that matches my dress. i might use the same dress for Vanitea, only with a different skirt.
the Japanese Embassy hasn't replied yet. lakarin ko nalang kaya para masmadali, ano? -.- *sigh*
~
i had a black dream last night.
if i die anytime soon, i want the following people (apart from parents and relatives) to attend my funeral. (not in order of importance)
1. Patrisha Delgado
2. Mykhos Robeniol
3. Khallaene Enriquez
4. Christian Domingo
5. JC Domingo
6. Eula Rodriguez
7. Abigail Lopez
8. Joan Castaneda
9. Celine Bautista
10. Kuya Lyron
11. Ate Catherine
12. Ate Inezia
13. Kuya Ervin
14. WTF Cosplayers
15. CosplayKada friends
16. Fuminori Iwahashi.

ha, and i want to be buried in a costume. a morbid one. or a gothic aristocrat or my favorite gothic lolita outfit. and Pat to do my burial makeup. and i want Kirill to be buried with me. or I'll give him to Pat for her to take care of. she'll adopt him nalang.
maybe that's why i was afraid to adopt Justine.
yes, thinking random, morbid thoughts but it's been bothering me. maybe it's time again? im only 16... well, 17 in three months. but they predicted i'd die at the age of 18. maybe i will... maybe i won't. i don't know.
i still have to find a real Levi Inochiyama. lol. i won't rest till i find him.
and yes, i would like for him to come to my funeral. the last time, Fumi. then i can say goodbye peacefully.

from prom to funeral.
how my thoughts rearrange themselves...

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 金曜日, 1月 05, 2007

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木曜日, 1月 04, 2007

so, here we are at the start of a New Year. again.
will i change? i have no idea.
am i changing? yes.
my past is coming back to haunt me; i have a bad feeling about this.
chance encounters are becoming often, prophetic dreams disturb my sleep. thoughts murmur the words i do not want to hear.
sweet dreams become nightmares; often i find myself in waking sleep. tears flow and disappear, smiles run sweetly and later die. there is something coming again; i don't know what. i cannot anticipate what i cannot see. is this my limit?
it does not feel like death; death's atmosphere is different, and i evaded him many times already. i don't know what's going to happen.
i had a talk with ate the other day.
what if it happens. what if my dream comes true. what would i do then?
i thought about it for a while.
smile, cry, laugh, weep, dance, kill.
i really have no idea.
much as i love and dream that idea to come true, i dread it also. what would i do then? i'm disturbed. i'm torn between now and the past. kenshin himura, i feel your pain.
live for ones self?
hah.
i'd like to see you try.
there will always be a part of me that dwells in my past... and the part that continues to move on into the future.
i'm sorry; i can't be perfect.

Kanae

so let's dance behind our velvet masks in this masquerade
where truth and lies entwine
stand up and dance to the music of the sweet and honeyed lies.
princess, princess do you see?
the lies that float through the sweet music and dance through the crowd.
come with me, let us slip quietly into the night that beckons,
to the quiet moon that smiles
into the eternal night which shines silver and to the distant gates of heaven,
or come with me to eternal death, into the flames of hell.
spin around just like the world
lose track of all sense and time
when the clock strikes midnight
princess you are mine.

Kanae wrote alone 木曜日, 1月 04, 2007

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月曜日, 1月 01, 2007

Happy New Year's, everyone.
Today is January 1.
Hope we all started the year right, and ended last year with a high note.
I did.

December 30 was the anime/game community grand EB. some came in costume and it was a lot of fun! we all went ice skating.
Link (L'arc~en~Ciel) will always remind me of that day. We were ice skating when someone decided to form a train for all the cosplayers. It was led by Neil. I remember listening to the song while watching it and as we skated; it was something you'd see in a music video.
it was so funny because a number of us couldn't really skate. because of it, a lot were falling. therefore when someone fell it was a racket.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!!! YOUTUBE NA TOH BOY!"
was what we would yell. we were about 60 in the rink at one point, with about 10 in costume. we even had our own Peter Pan. the kids really loved it, and people probably thought there was an event at one point. watching them made me remember why i love this community so much.
got my Mello costume made XDDDD
i think it's the best costume investment i've made yet.
hell yes, i am wearing those pants to school.
XDDDD
i saw a lot of those who i haven't seen in a while.
saw Kuya Yui, Christian, Krelian, Lyron, Ryan, the WTF, the CK... met some new members too XD
had a really great afternoon...
happy birthday, Christian. ^^

New Year was good too.
had a mini-reunion with Sims and Kimko, then with Jordan, Jeff, Louie, Jade and Abe. Surprisingly, i had a talk with Louie that wasn't brainless or stupid. in fact, it was about punk music, would you believe. he surprised me. Usually I dont talk to Louie. i am very insignificant in his life; he even forgot my name, the idiot. and yet we had a talk. and another thing is he was a hiphop frat bad boy before, now he's a punk rocker. wow, what a transformation! and i believe it was for the best.
they were all surprised by how i've changed. gone is the shy little sports girl they used to know. now i'm a skinnier, confident, annoying goth girl. as they said,
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?"
lol.
i died, that's what. joking.
oh well, had to explain to Abe since he was in shock. I think i'm one of the only goth girls they've met, and definitely the only gothic lolita. lol.
Jeff is so tall now, and he's handsome too. he walks like a model. LOL.
it was nice spending some time with them. they were surprised i have a boyfriend. it was so funny talking to Jordan too. we ended up remembering summer four/five years ago.

Jordan: "may nangyari ba samin ni sims nun? parang wala ata eh! wala ako maalala."
Me: "ow talaga? may naalala ako eh!"
Jordan: "aba talaga? may maalala ka tungkol sakin, may naalala rin ako tunkol sayo!"
Me: "ay wala, wala pala yun. LOL."
Jordan: "sabi ko nanga ba eh XD"

he was so surprised.
oh and we were seeing the little kids and i remarked to Louie

me: "everyone's growing up na..."
louie: "oonga eh. tulad mo!"
me: "haha, finally."
jeff: "yeah lumalaki na nga, di parin tumatankad."
me: "f.u."

LOL
it really was nice talking to them.

i nearly went to war with my neighbors too. they try something funny again i will roast their asses over the oven and i mean it.
oh well. start the new year right!
...go to war next week. >:)
lol, im mean.
oh well.

Happy New Year's, everyone! hope you've got your fingers XD
May everyone have a wonderful and prosperous year.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 月曜日, 1月 01, 2007

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