in the midst of my solitude

金曜日, 6月 30, 2006

[Sage Crane]

to my relief, Kanae has returned. i thought briefly that she was lost to her sorrow, for after a while, i could not feel her presence within her soul. it seemed that she died temporarily, if that were possible.
she did not have a good night last night; she awoke at 5:30 this morning and couldnt resume sleeping.
here she is. she will resume writing now.
till next time,

Sage Crane

[Kanae]

Hello again.
Sage took over for a while as i couldnt continue any longer. my heart has started to hurt again, and the reason will be for me alone to know.
i woke up at 5:30 and couldn't sleep. i kept thinking and thinking. i have no idea why, and it annoyed me. since then i've been on the internet, browsing through different sites for JRock updates as i promised NarenNeran and ate JenShinrai of Gamer Clan that i would. i might as well; better than lying and thinking... i may end up in tears if i did the latter. and i don't want that.
last night... i slept at one. i was sent to sleep at 11:30 but i couldn't. i kept thinking and writing again. my heart was torturing me.
forbidden to feel, my heart is constricted and causes more pain that is aught to.
i wish i could forget about it and die, but i can't.
well, die is too strong of a word.
sleep for all eternity would be better.
don't think that im not serious about it. i just want to fall asleep forever... because in my dreams, there is nothing but the darkness that surrounds me. and there is nothing to disturb me...
just sleeping... surrounded by my precious memories that make me smile. nothing else.
and in my sleep, i can be with him.
i am free
nothing but that. i just wish that sleep would envelop me forever.
i listen to Sen no Kotoba very often now. i don't know why but it calms me down...
i think its because i can relate to it. there are so many words i need to say, but always... i can never say them. it's not my place to.
cries of a despairing heart in a cold dawn
that's all.
i can't talk to anyone right now, so i guess im tellling all this to my blog. so that some weight will be lifte, i guess...
i can feel myself drifting away... soon i may not even be here anymore...
i mean in body, yes, but i doubt in spirit, it will still be me. not like anyone will miss me anyway...
when that time comes, sage will continue...
bitter words from a crying heart

Kanae

[Sage]

i am seriouisly worried.

Kanae wrote alone 金曜日, 6月 30, 2006

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