in the midst of my solitude

水曜日, 7月 05, 2006

Okay im currently in Subic.
Ive written my entries on pad paper and now i'll transfer them here. ^_^

July 3, 2006
10:40-ish (pm)
Current Mood: Thoughtful, normal
Currently Listening to: Dani California (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Hard to Concentrate (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Lights and Sounds (Yellowcard), Rewrite (Asian Kung-Fu Generation), Sailing Day (Bump of Chicken), Ain't Afraid to Die (Dir en grey) and Cage (Dir en grey)

Today was pretty interesting. Andrea arrived on teh 6:15am plane from LAX. it was supposed to be 5:30am, but since it was PAL, it was yet again delayed. oh well.
We spent the day getting to know each other again. it has been at least 4 years since we last saw each other, so we spent our time walking and talking. we went to ATC and spent at least an hour in Starbucks Coffee. I ate Oreo Cheescake wiht my Chocolate Frappuccino, and it was goooood!!! couldn't help but think of Oreo (Miguel Mercado, a cosplayer acquaintance of mine... nice guy ^_^) as i ate though. hey, it was the same name! so sue me.
We spent our time just talking, really. it was fun in a way. we were basically comparing now and then, here and there. i think today was really a connecting day, because Andrea and I never really spent much time together before this. We were never on the same brainwave and we never really had the same interests. we still don't but i don't know... it's different. and im glad for it. i wonder how the rest of the days will go....
Pat's inviting me out on Saturday. Let's see how that goes.
We're off to Subic tomorrow, so that's another day with no contact with them. WAAH! i miss them so much.. my friends... they're the type that you'll really miss talking to after a day of no contact. Really. It's so strange, but that's the way it is. i miss them a lot. WAAH!! i miss hugz!! i haven't talked to her in a while... @_@ i miss all of them...
especially him.
He was in my thoughts again as i was on my way home from dinner with my dad, anton and andrea. -SAKE IS THE BEST- I'm so sorry i made him worry. ive really fallen for him, and i admit it now. no sense in getting constant heartburns fromt he emotional stres i receive from keeping it from myself. Haha... so i have. i want to see him again. i know i saw him last saturday but... ewan. i just want to see him again.
I feel better when i'm with, for some reason. he just comforts me. but what i really hope is that he isn't playing with me.... because that will kill me. he means that much to me, really.
I don't know... i smile when i remember these times... times that are engraved in my memory. they always make me feel better. but still.. i cant help but wish we could be something more than this.
"Nothing tastes so sweet as something you can't have."
So true.
I wish and wish but...
Never mind [goth mode]
If he's happy, then i'm happy too. Ne, geLo-san? Basta... for as long as he's happy, then i'll smile for him. Just hide whatever pain i feel anwyay. ^_^ That way he doesn't worry... and so he doesn't lose his smile.
That's how i coped when Fumi left... kung saan siya masaya. I guess I'll use it again... *sad smile*
I knew that allowing myself to fall for him would hurt me too, because though i hoped something could happen, i know somehow that it, this, would always be just a one-sided thing, like all the rest. but it's alright... even though it hurts, i'm happy just being this way. at least then i can still be there for him.
I am nut. Really. =_=
We're off to Subic tomorrow, and i doubt ill be bringing my computer. ill just document things here then. See ya.

Kanae

July 4, 2006
8:40pm
Current Mood: neutral
Currently Listening to: Le Ciel Single (MALICE MIZER), Empty Tears (TETSU69), Alone (Shimukawa Mikuni)

We're in Subic right now... we're going to be here until Thursday. Nothing really interesting happened here, just me, lola, andrea and dad here. We went around here a bit and then back to the suites. it's pretty weird; we have 7 beds. o.O
Jel keeps texting.
Sorry but... i like someone else, and he's important to me.
Kid asked if he (Jel) had a chance with me. Well, i've never even met the guys, so, no, not really. it doesn't help that i'm currently in love with someone else.
Haha. My 2 other "crushes" have bigger chance: *C* and *N.* *C* knows who he is, *N* doesnt. Well, he's not really a crush, but just someone i want to meet. haha.
I wrote 2 songs for him today. Him being *K.* Haha... i'll show hem to Pat and Myk when i talk to them again. i hope Myk gets back from malaysia soon; I miss him. Hey, he's my kuya. can't help it.
I have a bunch of Kuyas now, but Myk's really the main (?) one. there's Myk, YUI, Lyron, Ryan, Eiji, Sylph, and Arjay. all from cosplay. how nice ^_^;;... but really, those i confide in are Myk and Eiji. The others are my kakilala. i hope to see them in summer or in Mega one of these weekends.
I'm planning to bring Andrea to Mega this weekend, so she can see what the malls here are like. i wonder who we'll see then... Pat wants to watch Tokyo Drift, so we might do that. He might be coming, so that will be nice. i just regret not being able to see Pat is her Shinya T_T Crap. If i could go, i would go a an Elegant Gothic Lolita... and in full gear. Make-up, gloves and everything. Too bad i can't.T_T
See ya guys...
Damn i miss my friends... i miss them alot.

Kanae

OKAY for today's entry.
today was pretty... okay.
we went to the safari at around 2, got lost here in Subic.
had lunch at around 5 too. nice one huh? the steaks here are gooood!!
i've been chatting a bit... and pat and chris are so sweet!! they agreed to help me go on saturday!! Andrea wants to see the cosplay too... how fun! ^_^
it's in Timog. that's what i'm worried about. how the heck am i going to get there?! @_@
haha...
but i want to see them. im really looking forward to seeing them... i miss them a lot. really.
so there...
i miss them...
we're headed home tomorrow... yey!! dsl again, hopefully! decent cable tv!! whee!! hahaha
i am a nut. period. LOL
see ya guys

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 水曜日, 7月 05, 2006

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