in the midst of my solitude

火曜日, 8月 01, 2006

ohkay. this is going to be a freaky blog entry to most, so those who arent open-minded or get freaked out easily, skip this portion of my blog.
you're going to think i'm crazy or a witch.
i'm not.
yet.
err...
anyway, moving on...
skip this portion of my blog, if you please. thank you very much. highly appreciated.
those who can read it?
EULA.- eula patulong.
ABIGAIL.- abz chat tayo kaagad.
PATRISHA.- alam ko di ka maniniwala pero kelangan eh. makigamit ka kay chris PLEASE. kahit sandali lang.
INEZIA.- thanks te.
that's about it.
sorry, K, but you'll get freaked out by this just a tiiiny bit so... ^_^;;
don't read it.

okay i learned about my past life yesterday and this morning from a friend of mine who does this sort of thing. admittedly, i do too, but i've stopped practicing because i got caught and all my beautiful tarot cards went *poof*! so obviously, i can't.
i've been through two lives already, which explains the existence of Sage and Sunabi. i don't know which one of them came first, however.
(Robin, these i've figured out from soul-searching. i decided to do some on my own and i these conclusions are from that activity. my skills aren't as sharp as they used to be plus im not in my home setting where my power is strongest so the conclusions are rather vague. please correct me if im wrong and please help me figure out everything. i really have this burning urge to know who i really was and am.)
my friend has explained my second past life to me, the life i acquired the skills i have now buried within me:
i was an Englishwoman with long, curled hair and fair skin, and i was formerly a noble until my father sold me to become a peasant because he had to pay off some debts. then in the rain, i saw an old woman who was dying of hunger. moved by pity, i gave her the meal i had. meager as it was, it was enought to satisfy her hunger.
lo and behold, she awarded me with a gift and the warning:
"remember these words, remember them well, for what i bequeath you with is more than just a spell, you will live your next lifetime well enough... and your father will reach his hell.... he will be apart from you most of the time, for he must pay his price"
i do realize that is easy to believe that this is all false and that it may be a trick. however, i know it is not, and it shall be explained later.
i died young. i never age past sixteen or eighteen, for before nineteen i have already passed away. sounds morbid, i know, but that's my fate, it seems:
like Robin, to be eternally sixteen though we are aged well past that... i am very young though, in terms of soul years. i am only 300 this year! still very young. however, i still look like i am sixteen years old.
i remember that when i first died i was fifteen or sixteen. she confirms it. i was pushed down the stairs while i was 3 months pregnant and i died from the loss of blood.
the father of my child was a nice man, but a bit strict. that is all i remember.
i have yet to ask her the rest of the details.
like...
how did i know the father of my child?
was i married to him?
what was our story?
how did i survive as a peasant girl?
WHO KILLED ME?!
Robin, i hope you're reading this...

interesting, isn't it?

i can explain why i believe it.
these are honest memories. when she told me, it hit me suddenly. i remembered fragments... fragments of the memories of my aged yet young soul. but i still don't know everything. i want to know the details. i want to know about the father of my child. i want to know who killed me. >_>
everything happens for a reason, right?
now i know why i met him.
i've met the father of my child, brief though it was. i will not post the name here; it is very dangerous. but i can tell you that i know who he is, and i love him.
and so that's why i've felt i've known you forever...
i have to talk to Robin when i get home.
immediately. her and K.
honestly, everything fits.
i've always been mistaken for a sixteen year old, even when i was merely thirteen or fourteen.
i get flashbacks because of the gift granted to me.
i love children and long for one because i was supposed to have one of my own.
ive felt like ive known him forever; truth be told, we've known each other for only a few months.
why i am this way: like a Victorian Era girl.
why i love lilies.
it all makes sense.
Robin-neesama, i hope we talk again. there are so many things i'm dying to ask you.

strangely, i felt her calling a while ago... ^_^
i believe her. she knows so much about me and we've only just met. it's amazing. and strangely, i feel like i've known her before as well. i feel very comfortable with her as well.
K, i hope you don't get scared or freaked out reading this. i am so sorry.

OH SHIT.
i'm going to die soon.
good Lord!
jumpstart...
i wasnt paying enough attention when she told me about it... i wasnt reading between the lines, concentrating enough to realize the gravity of the situation. all until now.
jumpstarts...
oh no.
ate...

Kanae wrote alone 火曜日, 8月 01, 2006

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