in the midst of my solitude

土曜日, 10月 28, 2006

i just finished watching Parakiss on YouTube.
it's 1:30 am. I told Khal i would be sleeping at 1. sorry love ^^;;

anyway.. the last episode got me thinking. i realize that i will be walking the same path as George. next year i'll be gone... and i have to leave all my important things behind... and all the people i care for most.
i dont want to think about it, but the thoughts keep haunting me. i want to go forward, to the future i want... but at the same time, i want to remain in the present.
things change, i know... but i dont want them to. i like being where i am in now. when i think of the people ill be leaving behind, it breaks my heart.
when George left all the Paradise Kiss dresses to Yukari, i wanted to cry. i cant bear the thought of being the one leaving. i dont want to think of what ill be leaving behind.
to attain much, you must also sacrifice much.
but i think also, is it really worth it?
im thinking of remaining in the Philippines by applying to CSB for their last term. i think i can get credits for the IB.
but i guess im just postponing what will eventually happen.
eventually, we will all drift apart... like all my previous friendships.
the circle of friends that i had in the summer of sixth grade... i remember we promised we'd keep in touch... especially Ayan and I. best friends diba? ngayon, wala na. we were all so different and yet we got along so well. Me, Sims, Ayan, Check, Bianca, Tintin and Paula. we promised that we'd see each other every summer. hindi naman nangyari.
the longest friendship ive had is with Patricia. that's what im scared of losing most. Pat is my best friend... i dont want to drift apart from her because of distance. yun nangyari sa amin ni sims. -_-*
ayoko... ayokong mawala lahat to dahil umalis ako... pero kelangan, diba? yun ang nakakabwisit. ayokong iwanan dahil ayoko ring maiwan.
when George dropped off Caroline at her house, that affected me. saigo na sayonara...
i dont want to feel that pain again.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 土曜日, 10月 28, 2006

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