in the midst of my solitude

水曜日, 12月 20, 2006

im going insane.
i really dont know why. what am i, the product of this world's insanity?!
i seriously do not appreciate that.
my feelings of dread are growing deeper and deeper as the minutes progress. i feel like matt; i have nothing to look forward to. im dreadfully bored in life.
hopefully i dont find the scissors tempting again.
yes, dears, i am that bored.
i need something more than this.
this what?
life?
boredom?
insanity?
inanity?
im finding life to be so dreadfully inane right now that i would love to have someone like Mello crash into my life and set me free from this.
im just an average girl with an IQ of 120 and no real genius. but really, why am i finding everything to be so damn... boring?
granted, yes, my relationship with my boyfriend is wonderful (he's everything i could ask for <3) , and photoshoots and cosplays are great, but the thing is, they come so little in a month that i have to fill up the rest of the month without it. no, my life does not center on those activities alone. my life centers on my interests. unfortunately, i dont have many.
jeez im becoming like Matt.
-.- im reading too much.
that's the only thing that sets me apart from Mello, apart from the bloodthirsty thoughts he has. I just am not motivated. maybe im more of a matt than a Mello? or maybe i'm both?
haha, i just do not have the looks or the sex drive of the two boys.
LOL.
ugh, im just so out of it these days... reading forensic books, staring mindlessly out the window and hoping, wishing, dreaming something even remotely interesting would happen. its failing.
im soo bored.
i dont even know what i want anymore.
i just want to curl up and die.

Kanae

Kanae wrote alone 水曜日, 12月 20, 2006

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