in the midst of my solitude

水曜日, 12月 20, 2006

o0kay, the past two days have been filled with Mello. well, MelloXMatt fanfics to be precise, but more of Mello.
hm, i wonder why. its bordering on obssession, i guess. i think its because people have started calling me Mello that i actually am starting to get an interest in him. haha they said that if i were to be a character in death note, id end up as Mello's twin sister. Yes, because of my bowl haircut i look like Mello. all i have to do is get it bleached. yes, that remains to be the only reason that i love this haircut. not because i look 'cute' (eww... they said i do, i still dont believe them), but because they say i look like Mello. same eyes, same hair, same insane smile when im furiously pissed... AHAHAAA that's why i wear the blonde wig to school.
the scary thing is i can write and think like Mello. my thoughts are like his, i would do exactly what he did and i am the same competitive, arrogant, annoying, violent little girl inside. ugh, thank God i can hide it.
...it does melt away though... to come back when im seriously pissed and or angry.
trust me, with me, pissed and angry are two different things.
Aftiel. I.
I is like that, only she's a mix of that and a childish little girl. Aftiel is... michael of angel sanctuary turned human turned girl. Lol.
yeah im twisted.
so yes, i do adore Mello not because im completely insane but because, well, im like him i guess. only he's better and a complete utter genius.
DAMMIT.
lolz
from there i think that the reason i like the mattXmello pairings is because i want to find my own Matt. its not that im unsatisfied with my relationship, im very happy actually, its just that i have never experienced the kind of loyalty Matt showers Mello with. maybe im trying to find that little sign that says that MAYBE IM NOT A TOTAL LONER IN THIS WORLD.
ha, maybe.

Kanae

ラベル: ramblings. ignore.

Kanae wrote alone 水曜日, 12月 20, 2006

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